The face.

That’s just my face.

Don’t worry, I’m not mad at you.

A lot of people have made comments/held interventions recently about my face and how I’m so DAMN DIFFICULT to read. I understand your frustration, various non-telepathic people of the world, really, I do, and I sympathize.

I sympathize because I finally went on a date with a guy who must be the male equivalent of me in this way. I swear, I’ve never wanted the ability to read minds until right then because every little expression, gesture and word caused about a million what-does-that-means?! to explode in my mind. I’ve never really had that happen to me before. I’m actually pretty good at reading people in spite of not being very readable myself. Here’s how I decided to deal with it; I freakin’ built a bridge people. You don’t know what my facial expression means? Go with it! Either continue on until you figure out the vibe, or you could just ask me. Totally allowed, by the way.

Anyway, I’ve decided I’m going to attempt to catalogue my facial expressions and mathematically order them. Let’s put my blank/sleeping/unconcerned/emotionless face at value 0 and then we’ll go out by – or + degrees by number depending on measurable difference from zero.


Mathmatical Value (normal face)
Base 0
Happy +5
Sad -5
Excited +20
Confused -30
Listening +8
Not Listening -8
Question "Can I please go, now?" -20
Question "Should I leave?" -22
Question "What are your intentions, sir?" -9
Question "What to make out?" +15
You know, they'd never find my body. -100
DYING OF CUTENESSOVERLOAD! +300
Pissed.-114
imaeatyoface (angry) -200
imaeatyoface (playful) +40
Genuinely amused +30
Pretending to be amused +12
That's HILARIOUS! +70
Sleepy now... -4

Mathmatical Value (my face)
Base 0
Happy 0
Sad 0
Excited +2
Confused -1
Listening 0
Not Listening 0
Question "Can I please go, now?" -1
Question "Should I leave?" -1
Question "What are your intentions, sir?" 0
Question "What to make out?" 0
You know, they'd never find my body. +3
DYING OF CUTENESSOVERLOAD! +9000*
Pissed.-10
imaeatyoface (angry) -20
imaeatyoface (playful) +30
Genuinely amused +3
Pretending to be amused +1
That's HILARIOUS! +50
Sleepy now... 0


*Apparently this is a rare occasion in which I show more emotion than a human face should have the capacity to hold. My sister describes the sight as 'terrifying'.