Thursday, November 3, 2011

Occupy Wall Street

Here's my admittedly flawed, but humorous and 'more-true-than-some-people-want-to-admit' understanding of the situation...

Say I’ve got ninety-nine friends and we’re all hanging out at somebody’s house. Not that of one of the 99, probably something like the house of a friend of a friend, who I’m not really acquainted with, but I think he might have dated someone I know. Anyway, this guy whose house me and my 99 friends are hanging out at decides to go get pizza. He gets a dollar from everyone there, except me, he asks for 20 bucks from me and I go ahead and give it to him because I want pizza, and I did ask from Hawaiian toppings even though I might be the only person eating that pizza. Anyway, 119 dollars isn’t enough money to get pizza for all of us, especially not from the trendy pizza place that this guys goes to (I told him 5 buck was edible, but he didn't believe me) so this guy uses some magic invisible credit money to cover the rest of the bill.

We all eat the pizza, but after it’s gone some of my ninety-nine friends start bugging this guy to give them a dollar. They let him borrow a dollar, now they want a it back. He says he’s run out of magic invisible credit money, so he can’t let them have a dollar. Most of my 99 friends go home, but there are a few who won’t let this dollar thing die. Finally, someone suggests that if this guy can’t give them back the dollars they loaned him, then he should take my money and give every one of my 99 friends a dollar.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, guys. I don’t even have 99 dollars. But then they say that they’ll take whatever I have and distribute it equally among my 99 friends.

No, guys, I’m seriously not giving you any money.

They’re all like, you have to! You don’t deserve that money, plus you ate a ton of pizza, you’re way fat and gross and you definitely have 99 dollars, I saw.

Que es eso? I respond. Peace out, I’m taking my ball and going home.

But then they totally follow me home and hang out on my lawn for two months.

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