Who do you think is the hottest girl in the second grade? (One second grade boy to another)
Utah is such a saucey minx. (Actually, this one was me. It made someone laugh, although I meant it most sincerely.)
Well, he talked about himself in third person and 'invited' everyone to move up to the first six rows, but aside from that I didn't hate it. (About a fireside)
I sucketh! (From the pulput at church)
Did you listen when he rolled his r's?! I think the walls were shaking. That man has the voice of God. If he told me to part the Red Sea I'd do it! (One of my MTC companions)
We're watching Troll 2 tonight, it's not a sequal and it's not about trolls, so you know... should be good. (My sister)
Oh... these people who die... how dare they look so happy. (Grandma, reading the obituaries)
Teacher: Alright, everybody—as I call your name I want you to raise your hand in the air so I know you're here and tell me what your favorite thing to draw is. Jacob!
Jacob: My favorite thing to draw is me killing myself.
Teacher: Don't be melodramatic, you're four.
Girl 1: So what kind of men are you into?
Girl 2: 6'6" barrel chest, strong arms, deep voice, tentacles all over his head...
Girl 1: Davy Jones?!
Girl 2: Well—yes, him too. I was actually talking about D'Argo from Farscape.
Boy: I worship you. You are the Delilah to my Sampson and the Shabetha to my David.
Girl: It's Bathsheba. Also, crappy thing to say if you know the Bible.
Dad: We have something to discuss...
Me: Are you pregnant?!
Me: ...You're joking, right?
Dad: Weren't you?
Me: In the heat of the moment I picked up on a weird vibe and got excited.
Dad: So, in that instant were you serious?
Me: I'm not sure.
Male Teacher: To understand this story, you gotta understand that my little bro... he's a little taller than me, a bit bigger and his voice is deeper.
Female student: It gets taller and bigger and deeper?! Show me!
Mom: I could loose my job any day and my daughter can't find work. What do you expect us to do?
Grandma: Well, you can always prostitute yourselves.
Mom: No one would buy me!
Grandma: Well, excuse me for giving suggestions.